Words by Georgia
I first moved to Bristol three years ago with my partner, and admittedly found it difficult at first because I didn't know anyone else. I definitely wasn't prepared for the journey of self discovery that would follow.
I always considered myself an ally and attended the first of many Belfast Pride's when I was 13 or 14. I actively spoke up in situations when homophobic comments were made, and wanted nothing but happiness for my beautiful queer friends.
This is why it came as such a shock to me to realise how much deeply rooted internalised homophobia I was holding for myself. I was so in denial that I was bisexual that it took me until I was 26 to start making the connection.
My queer journey is not focused on my sexual orientation, as strange as that may sound. My queer journey is about my relationship with myself.
underage sexual abuse
underage sexual abuse
Unfortunately from the age of 6 I was sexually, emotionally and psychologically abused for a period of roughly four years. This was done by my female "best friend" and neighbour who was two years older than me. I was 24 before I ever told anyone what happened, because of the engulfing shame I felt.
It has only been through unpacking all of this extreme trauma that I have realised how frozen and scared my mind and body has been for the majority of my life.
Becoming more involved in queer culture, more specifically the Bristol Ballroom Community, has given me a safe space to reconnect with my body and explore my self identity without the fear of judgement.
After becoming sober during lockdown, I began to play with the idea of becoming a drag king, and soon after BiiCurious George was born! It felt incredibly freeing to be able to step out of 'my' mind and PTSD, to become what felt like a purposeful, improved version of myself. Apparently one alter ego was not satiating enough though, as Ainé [On-ya] Lyk Fuq was born so that I could still express my femininity in the same safe, playful way.
As I read more on the history of the gender binary as we know it today, I gave myself permission to be what I feel rather than what I think is expected of a 'girl'. I decided that "she/they" pronouns felt more authentic, and the closest thing to a label I would put on my identity at this point in my journey is Gender Non Conforming.